none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
i think i have two assholes
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
