I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
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