The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
