Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
