Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
