is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
