she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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