And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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