what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Randomize
