we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
