im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
