i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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