he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
