A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Randomize
