if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
