Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
honey bunches of taint.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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