saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
