areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
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