Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
