Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I just want nice things and good sex
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
