And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
