I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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