I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
