...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I think my vagina is haunted
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
