Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
