i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
