he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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