What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I forget how to act sober
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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