You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
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He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
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No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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