so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Randomize
