i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Randomize
