my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
You can't motorboat a personality
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
