I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
