I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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