Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I just found a bag of teeth...
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
