He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Randomize
