the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
