guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Holy shit dude........stairs
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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