so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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