We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
