Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
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