I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
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Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
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And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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