my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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