Dual....:-)
he shaved USA in his pubs
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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