I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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