Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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