Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
