You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
