We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
