I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Randomize
