i think my mom watched the whole time
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
