Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
