non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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