Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
my vag is so smooth its legendary
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
