Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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