Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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