every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Randomize
