I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
We named our party play list daddy issues
Who did Billy Mays play for?
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
