either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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