my mouth tastes like poor choices
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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