I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
