This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
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um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
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my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
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