come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
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