I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
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I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
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Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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