my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
She said her name was "party"
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Randomize
