i permit you to call me
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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