The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
So much rum. So many feels.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
My feet surprised me
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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