There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Randomize
