sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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