not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I am spending my child support on dildos
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
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