That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
