I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
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