I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
