Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
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