wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
