genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
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