I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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