btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
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